“When I found out I was pregnant two years into marriage my reaction was one of sheer disbelief mixed with immense joy,” Tobi Pinky recounted.
Tobi Pinky Beckley Williams, in this interview shares her personal story on navigating creativity and workplace politics while becoming a new mom.
As a creative enthusiast with an insatiable hunger for taking on new frontiers, exceeding expectations at work without having to bridle her passion for motherhood was definitely a feat worth achieving. And we are so glad to be able to share her story with you.
Tobi shares in her recount of those moments “I had been diagnosed with primary infertility due to high prolactin levels, something called hyperprolactinemia. So, when I finally got pregnant, it felt like nothing short of a miracle. Though combining agency life and my first pregnancy was tough especially during the first trimester, all-in-all it was a good experience with extremely supportive colleagues at the agency she worked at the time .”
Creativity Amidst Chaos
Despite challenges, Tobi’s creative energy remained intact. She said “I didn’t experience that ‘mummy brain’ I had heard other moms-to-be talk about. I still had ideas, but I was quite overwhelmed on some days. Balancing my career, being a mother, and a wife was tough. During weekend jobs I would write drafts filled with errors because I was trying to work while catering to a wailing baby. Exclusive breastfeeding my 1st child added to the stress, as I had to prepare enough milk bottles while being utterly exhausted after a long drive through Lagos traffic”
“But the second pregnancy took a whole new turn.”
“In many offices, there’s a lot of pregnancy/motherhood shaming. Many women literally struggle during their child bearing and toddler raising years.”
Not sure how many female creatives experience this on a daily basis but for Tobi she explained how a company representative at an agency warned her against getting pregnant when she was hired. In her words, she said “They asked about my first child, and when I said my son was two, they were like, ‘I hope you’re not planning for another pregnancy.’ So when it happened I felt like I had betrayed them. I went to HR, naively thinking they would understand my perspective. Instead, things spiraled out of control.”
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Tobi recalled how she got very sick during the first trimester and thought it was due to inhaling some smoke from a computer that had caught fire, while working. Shortly after the incident she ended up with pneumonia, coughing blood, and unable to walk. We could hear the emotions in her words as she said “It was a nightmare”. When she finally returned to work, instead of receiving a warm welcome, she was handed indemnity forms to sign. They were more concerned about liability suits than her well-being. That same week, she lost the pregnancy. It was truly a devastating experience for her.
On her 3rd pregnancy she suffered yet another terrible miscarriage in the 2nd trimester and had a procedure done on a Saturday but had to resume back to the office on a Monday,
“I was in physical and emotional pain but couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I just tried keeping up through it all”.
Tobi discovered through bad experiences that there are some prices too high to pay for a successful career so she halted on full time work to safely have a second child.
Advice for Other Women
Tobi was willing to share her story to encourage younger women in this season or about to step into this season and say to them “Don’t lose yourself in the process,”She further advised. “Your body will change, and you may never fully return to your pre-pregnancy state. Be gentle with yourself and accept these changes. Take care of your mental health because the stress can be overwhelming. And remember, not everyone will pamper you because you’re pregnant. You have to be your own biggest supporter.”
She did well to mention some surprising facts women might uncover during this period like losing their appetite for up to five months!. She said “Foods I loved, like chicken, became unbearable. I survived on very sour Ogi with no sugar or milk. It was a tough period, but I remind my first child that in those five months I saw “shege”, so he better not be rude to me!” she added with a laugh.
Tobi’s journey through pregnancy was fraught with challenges, but her resilience and wit shine through in every story she shares. Her experiences offer valuable insights and a touch of humor, showing that even in the toughest times, having a community whether family or workplace goes a long way to soften the blow.
I believe women should speak out more about their experiences in the workplace, not just to red-paint their workplace but to encourage others in similar situations that they are not alone and that there is a community of like minds willing to hear them out and to help. It’s time for us to speak up and do better.