For a world of words dancing in my mind, I still couldn’t bring myself to say the words that would touch the ache, to be one with every experience and to be fully present in every war, both internal and external conflict is to be truly accepting of all of life’s unboxed gifts.
Whether it opens a can of worms or unleashes something from Pandora’s box is irrelevant, I recently read somewhere that to ask for wisdom in living, is to be ready for situations that disrupt the natural order of things, if not, how then can wisdom be truly applied if peace is all that is existent?
I sat watching, thinking even but never speaking
Saying too much too early was sketchy
I wasn’t going to let anyone call me aggressive or angry; biddable is good they said.
I listen, I only answer when asked a question.
I don’t speak out of turn, I’m obedient, very loyal and never anything else, falling into line the way I was expected to.
I stood up and yelled out to no one in particular.
The room goes silent, everyone turns to look at me, shock and questions dancing in their faces.
I basically just made a mess, this was not the order of things.
I wasn’t supposed to have a voice other than the one “handed to me”
But I had yelled and it felt really good to have some other sound coming out of my frail being other than the norm.
Nobody had told me I could say something I desperately needed to say
No one had told me to express myself
No one had told me I wasn’t obligated to be ”perfect”
I was only just finding another part of me that was purely human
I am first, Human before I am a “girl child”
Why did the rules have to always be against me?
Why was I referred to as a rebel for going against the status quo?
The wisdom it takes to truly live doesn’t come with a fully functional rule book
This isn’t about competing for being a woman but about being respected for being human
I respect my life and all that it is and so the world will learn to respect it or nothing.
Absolutely nothing else is acceptable.
This isn’t a story about me in the real sense of it
It is about every female born into a world that has left only options that would only open its doors to them that only conform to its strict rules.
Sad end isn’t it?
This is someone’s reality and it is almost the end of 2021 and someone is still padlocked to a very old box.
I hope someone out there has the “Audacity to want more”
or the keys might be forever lost in the ocean of a dead dreams.
